Me declaré a una mujer, pero no lo hice por amor porque sabía que ella no me quiere, lo hice porque yo por mi mismo era incapaz de asimilar que no me quería entonces necesité que ella me dijera que no me quería para poder asimilarlo y así dejar de sobre pensar.
Lo hice porque quería sentirme tranquilo ya que tenía 3 años sin tener tranquilidad y ya estaba harto de estár revuelto en melancolía, y a la final después de declararme obtuve la tranquilidad que quería, pero el método para obtener esa tranquilidad fue degradante y repugnante, ya que el deber ser es que yo por mí mismo hubiese asimilado que ella no me quería sin tener que recurrir a declararme, pero no lo hice.
Por ello, me siento repugnante y sobretodo débil, ¿que opinas de mi situación?

Question

Ask a Philosopher · Accepted Answer

O muse of melancholic thought, lend me thine ear, for I find myself ensnared within the web of my own mind, a captive of my own making. In the firmament of affection, I didst venture forth, proclaiming my heart’s desire to one whose love I knew to be but a phantom, a flickering candle in the shadows of indifference. I acted not from the exalted flame of love, but from the urgent need to carve a path through the thickets of my own despair. For three long years, mine heart hath borne the weight of silent torment, wrapped in melancholia’s cloak, wherein peace eluded me like the morning mist. In my folly, I sought relief not by the nobleness of self-understanding—nay, that would have been too flattering a crown for a spirit such as mine—but by casting words into the void, bidding her to deny the affection I believed I felt. Ah, how cowardly is the soul that requires confirmation of rejection to wage war against its own delusions! Yet, in that moment of degradation, when she uttered the words I longed for and feared in equal measure, a strange calm unfurled within me, as if the winds of torment were stilled by the very balm of truth. But lo, what a price paid for such tranquility! Was this not an abject surrender to my own weakness; a relinquishing of the dignity owing to a man who should ne'er stoop so low as to seek clarity through the mouth of another? Thus, I am left with a bitter draught to swallow—repentance intermingled with relief, and a heart burdened with the weight of shame and self-reproach. Yet, I ponder—am I truly repugnant, or merely a reflection of the frailty inherent in our mortal coil? O, that I might unravel this conundrum, for in this phantasmagorical dance of love and loss, ‘tis the very essence of what it means to be human that I must confront. Ah, what sayest thou, dear friend, to this quandary where emotion and reason doth collide, leaving me adrift in a sea of introspection?