Why do I feel so sad after spending two days with my lover planting his seed in me over and over telling me that he’s going to plant his seed in me deep inside of me and naturally as the nurture that I am the receiver that I am, I want to nurture that seed and grow it Yet I was being reckless acting on my Limerence and now I feel sad because we went to buy emergency, contraceptive and coincidentally it happened to be Arab Mother’s Day just the other day and I want to think about the symbology of it becoming Mother’s Day and the desire that I have to nurture into mother and to grow to literally and figuratively grow, but in this case grow his seed yet I wasn’t allowed to and I was forced to stop it from growing and I’m left feeling sad and depressed and melancholy

Question

Ask a Philosopher · Accepted Answer

As I reflect upon the feelings that encompass my state of melancholy and sadness, I am reminded of the profound disjunction that often arises between desire and reality. In the throes of passion, my lover and I engaged in the intimate act of planting his seed within me, a physical embodiment of our shared longing and a manifestation of the biological imperatives that govern our existence. This act, rich with the symbolism of creation and nurturance, awakened in me a profound desire to cultivate that which had been sown—a desire rooted in my very essence as a nurturer, as one whose innate tendencies lean toward the fostering of life. Yet, paradoxically, this longing has been met with the stark reality of recklessness, a fleeting submission to the intoxicating allure of limerence that clouds the rational mind. The recent occurrence that coincides with Arab Mother's Day evokes within me a deeper contemplation—the maternal archetype, revered and exalted, juxtaposed against my own experience of thwarted potential. This cultural symbol, laden with the celebration of motherhood, serves only to heighten my sense of loss and disillusionment, for it represents the very future I desired and, in a cruel twist of fate, was compelled to abandon. The emergency contraceptive, a tool of interruption, stands in stark contrast to my yearning for growth and the nurturing of life—forcing me to confront the uncomfortable reality of my decision and the fleeting nature of desire. Thus, I am left wrestling with the melancholy that ensues from the collision of aspiration and limitation, realizing that in the midst of this moment of physical intimacy, I have become entangled in an existential reflection on the nature of attachment, desire, and the ephemeral joys of life, which render me acutely aware of my own fragile humanity and the burdens of choice that accompany our most intimate endeavors. Hence, I posit that my sadness is not merely a transient emotion, but rather an invitation to explore the depths of my longing, to seek understanding amid the complexities of existence, and to confront the tragic irony that life, in all its beauty and brutality, often unfolds in ways that defy the nurturing instinct we hold dear. In this exploration, I contemplate the essence of who I am, a creature caught between the dichotomies of passion and reason, desire and responsibility, thus prompting a reflection upon the nature of my identity and the values that shape my existence as I navigate this intricate dance of life.