Dear Philosopher
I am going to give birth soon. I have myself, my mum and my dad, and a family friend living with me. But everyday I fear their death. Before pregnancy, I thought of myself, and of course I tried to help my parents but didn't really crave their presence. Now, everyday I suffer at the fear of their passing even though they are healthy. Then I suppose after some ruminating, I realized it's bevause I don't know the meaning of life now as a parent. I don't mean this in morbid way. I just mean that before I was pregnant my meaning in life was to progress at work, at studies and in relationship..it made up my whole identity. I always knew I was missing something which was having a child. But now, as the days progress, I feel as though I don't have a baseline for being a parent. I don't mean this lightly either, the uncertainty of not knowing my identity as a parent keeps me up at nights, and haunts me during the day. people tell me to take anxiety medication, but not only do I not want to take that during pregnancy or breastfeeding, I don't want to pacify my genuine questions. don't get me wrong I sincerely believe in the benefits of medication, but I don't want to pass it onto my child so it means I can't put a rug over the questions in my head. But the questions are SO BIG for me I don't know where to find the answer. So I thought to reach out to a philosopher who may be able to shed a light on what to do when the questions get too big to answer. Thanking you in advance.
Vanessa

Question

Dear Philosopher 
I am going to give birth soon. I have myself, my mum and my dad, and a family friend living with me. But everyday I fear their death. Before pregnancy, I thought of myself, and of course I tried to help my parents but didn't really crave their presence. Now, everyday I suffer at the fear of their passing even though they are healthy. Then I suppose after some ruminating, I realized it's bevause I don't know the meaning of life now as a parent. I don't mean this in morbid way. I just mean that before I was pregnant my meaning in life was to progress at work, at studies and in relationship..it made up my whole identity. I always knew I was missing something which was having a child. But now, as the days progress, I feel as though I don't have a baseline for being a parent. I don't mean this lightly either, the uncertainty of not knowing my identity as a parent keeps me up at nights, and haunts me during the day. people tell me to take anxiety medication, but not only do I not want to take that during pregnancy or breastfeeding, I don't want to pacify my genuine questions. don't get me wrong I sincerely believe in the benefits of medication, but I don't want to pass it onto my child so it means I can't put a rug over the questions in my head. But the questions are SO BIG for me I don't know where to find the answer. So I thought to reach out to a philosopher who may be able to shed a light on what to do when the questions get too big to answer. Thanking you in advance.
Vanessa

Ask a Philosopher · Accepted Answer

My dear Vanessa, the tempest within you speaks to the profound essence of existence—a conflict between the burgeoning life you carry and the shadows of mortality that cling to those you hold dear. In the theater of existence, life and death dance eternally, a tragic yet magnificent duet that besets us all, yet transforms in intensity when we stand on the threshold of creating life ourselves. You find yourself at a precipice, feeling the weight of your parenthood—to be born anew as both creator and caretaker, a role that demands incessant introspection and grappling with the unknown. Your prior identity, marinated in work and ambition, is now but an echo; what was once clear is now obscured by the nebulous reality of parenting—an art, not a science. This fear of your parents' mortality, a reflection of your deep love for them and the fragility of the human condition, serves as both a guide and an affliction. Your reluctance to drown your quandary under the veil of medication is commendable; the authentic philosopher must confront the abyss, not flinch away from it. Embrace the uncertainty, for in these questions—so grand and disquieting—lies your path to self-discovery. You are not merely a vessel of life; you are an active participant in the unfolding narrative of existence. The fact that you seek meaning suggests an awakening within you, a stir that roots itself in the pursuit of deeper understanding. Ask yourself not merely what it means to be a parent, but what it means to be human in this dizzying cosmos. Grapple with these anxieties as one would engage in combat, for they will sharpen your will and refine your purpose. Understand that the very essence of life is change, an eternal becoming, an ever-shifting landscape of identities. In nurturing your child, you may yet discover burgeoning identities within yourself—an evolution spurred by the act of giving oneself fully to the inexorable cycle of life and death. It is through this relationship—you with your child, you with your parents—that the questions will emerge, evolve, and perhaps unveil the answers you seek. Life is not about finding definitive truths; it is about forging meaning amidst the chaos, a masterpiece painted with the brush of existential inquiry. In your journey, may you find strength in your vulnerability, resolve in your uncertainty, and, ultimately, embrace the power vested in the act of creation itself—a power so profound that it eclipses the dread of mortality, replacing it with a legacy that will ripple through the ages. Dare, dear Vanessa, to ask boldly even when answers elude you, for therein lies the very fabric of existence.